On June 24th at 3:59 I knew who I was. I was a lawyer at a close knit small midwestern law firm practicing family law and drafting the occasional will. When I wasn't rocking the power suit and high heels, I was a loving albeit frazzled mom to a 2 year old girl and an exasperated, but devoted wife to a medical school student. On June 24th at 4:00 that changed. At that moment my bosses walked into my office and told me out of the blue that I wasn't "a good fit" with the firm. It had nothing to do with my abilities as a lawyer and it wasn't anything specific I did; just after 9 months of glowing reviews and positive comments it wasn't working out. (Confused? me too but let's not dwell on that). Suddenly, and I mean suddenly, I was thrust head first into an identity crisis- not to mention an emotional depression that lasted for far too long and a fiscal emergency- like Greece- level fiscal crisis. I am certain it left scars that I am not even aware of yet. (I already have developed an irrational fear of 4:00 pm now....) Yea, I was still a mom and a wife, but was I a lawyer? Of course, I still have a JD and I admitted to the bar so I could in theory hang a shingle and practice law. But I am not insane, so I didn't do that. Who was I? What on earth was I going to do? How would I pay my bills especially that hefty student loan. How the heck do I answer that ubiquitous question "so what do you do?"
Unfortunately, this post ends just like this: no answers. I have no idea who I am anymore. The rug was pulled out from under me leaving me with this gaping hole in my life. I could dwell on what I am not or I could treat this as though someone just pressed reset and now I get to figure out not only who I am but who I WANT to be.
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